RIP To My Youth
by anxious.soul
Summary: A summary of Harry's school years. How he had no childhood and was never allowed to be a kid/youth. How difficult his life has been. How painful. Features little Teddy Lupin at the end. No slash. One-shot. Probably could be rated a K but chosen to go with T because of language.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Harry Potter.  
**

 **Warnings: Sad, Language, Death.**

 **Based off of a song called "R.I.P To My Youth" by The Neighbourhood.  
**

 **Some direct quotes from the books/films**

 **Summary: Basically a summary of Harry's school years, it's about how he had no childhood and was never allowed to be a kid/youth. Features little Teddy Lupin at the end. No slash.**

 **Author's Note: I'm basing all of this on the films and what I remember as I've never finished reading the series (yeah, kinda gave up a few chapters into GoF book). Please note that the 'Prisoner of Azkaban' and 'Half-Blood Prince' aren't my favourite films so I don't remember them all that well -actually I haven't watched any of the films in a while so not everything is mentioned- but basically I can't remember much from those two (Half-Blood Prince specifically) all that much. Upon saying this, you may read something that was in the books and not the films, for example, Harry's eyes will be green.**

 **Please note that I haven't had time to proofread anything other than a spellcheck.**

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 _"_ _R.I.P to my youth  
And you could call this the funeral  
I'm just telling the truth  
And you can play this at my funeral"_

 _R.I.P. To My Youth -The Neighbourhood_

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Childhood. The ' _state or period of being a child'_ , according to the dictionary. The term that basically counted as the first 18 years of one's life. Childhood. The thing everyone should look back on with a smile as they recalled their good times and fun memories. Childhood. The thing Harry James Potter did not have.

From birth to 15 months, Harry had a good life. Not that he remembered, save for the screams and death of his parents. Those fifteen months filled with love, comfort, care and joy. His mother, his father, his godfather (Sirius) and untitled/unofficial godfather (Remus) loved him so so much. Those fifteen months came to an abrupt end on the night of Halloween. His dad murdered trying to protect his child and wife, his mum murdered trying to protect her son, his godfather condemned to twelve years in the hell known as Azkaban and his unofficial godfather alone and lost as he tried to earn an income the Wizarding world refused to give.

There, the next 117 months from 15 months to 11 years, were full of hatred. The bitter and _burdened -_ as they liked to remind everyone- relatives Albus Dumbledore left Harry with hated him the moment Petunia found the baby on her doorstep on the first of November. Locked away in the cupboard under the stairs like a dirty secret, which in a way he was. Treated like a punching bag for his cousin, a slave for his aunt and both for his uncle, Harry could only sigh as his hopes and dreams were beaten out of him.

 **—** **LINE BREAK—**

A miracle happened on his eleventh birthday. The miracle came as a letter and a half-giant with a pink umbrella. He was a wizard. Not a freak. His relatives treated him differently until he left for his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The hope and glee that had blossomed in the pit of his stomach quickly diminished as he arrived at the castle and entered the unknown world he belonged to. No one saw him, the way he wanted to be seen. To the eyes of the Wizarding world, Harry was nothing but the Boy-Who-Lived, their Saviour, their favourite scapegoat. People either hated him or worshipped him, but not the _him,_ he wanted them to like. It was always the Boy-Who-Lived, not 'Just Harry'. He and his two best friends didn't realise that they'd be constantly thrust into different adventures -or more like death-defying situations, they somehow managed to come out alive from- after that one adventure with the Philosopher's Stone.

The summer that followed his first year was terrible…but things looked up in the end. Dobby the house elf had arrived and his _loving_ relatives locked him in his room, treating him like the animal they imagined him to be. Then after finally getting to Hogwarts with Ron, his entire year was once again a mess. A mess that he fixed. It was like it was his job. It wasn't. He was twelve. He should've been focused on his school work, his grades, his friends and the possible changes in his body. He should not have had to focus on finding what monster was petrifying students -technically Hermione found this out, despite being petrified- nor should he have had to go into the Forbidden Forest and almost get eaten by Acromantulas -as much as he loved Hagrid, he also disliked the half-giant, but only because of the man's so-called 'pets'. However, Harry should most definitely not have had to kill a 50ft Basilisk in order to save the school. Once again, Harry came close to death, much like his first year. Another scar to go on his skinny, starved, scarred, short body.

Third year. Well, that was just more icing on the cake for Harry. First, he blew his 'aunt' (as he'd been forced to call the woman) Marge up because she was being utterly horrible. Then he ran. Ran to the Leaky Cauldron in London, he knew his Uncle would kill him if he'd stayed. Then there was the actual school year. For the first time in his whole life, he could _hear_ his parent's voices. Or more specifically, his mother's death. Every damn time those Dementors came near him, he heard the night that destroyed his life forever. Green light. Screams. Death. When he fell from his broomstick, he knew he needed help. Remus, his favourite professor taught him the Patronus Charm, which he finally managed to use perfectly when he went back in time to save his past self and the Azkaban escapee, his godfather, Sirius Black. Oh, not to mention Remus almost ate him when he became a werewolf -though while Harry had forgiven the man, he didn't think Remus ever had forgiven himself. Also, Pettigrew. The rat -both literally and metaphorically- had been sleeping on Ron's bed for several years -yeah that's not creepy or perverted at all- and then when they had found him out, the vile creature escaped.

 **—** **LINE BREAK—**

Oh and just when Harry thought he'd finally get a peaceful, carefree year, shit really went down. From the summer, he'd had agonising nightmares, like he was there with the infant-like creature known as Voldemort. He watched as the Muggle caretaker, Frank Bryce was slaughtered with the horrifying green curse. Trampled and almost arrested during the Quidditch World Cup, where Death Eater's attacked. Then, someone entered him in the TriWizard Tournament. Oh, the fucking joy. Eternal glory, yeah no thanks. Fast forward to the school hating Harry, much like second year, calling him a _"liar",_ a _"cheat"_ and an _"attention seeker"_ , honestly even Ron didn't believe him! So much for best friends. Cedric…he was nice. He was helpful and supportive, though that could be because Harry willingly told him about the dragons -because he (Harry) is a good egg, who felt it was necessary that Cedric knew about them to make the first task fair. Moving on, first task, Harry almost fell off his broom and died…as usual. He and Hermione according to the Daily Prophet had an undying romance -ew no, she's practically his sister! The golden egg he stole from the dragon -honest to Merlin, who came up with those deadly tasks, it's never a good idea to be involved with dragons let alone mummy dragons who are protecting their _real_ eggs! But the song that -when underwater- Harry heard, well let's just say there's no point denying that Harry hums or murmurs it from time to time, much to the amusement of everyone else! Then the embarrassing Yule Ball, oh how he wished he could go back in time and change everything! The second task, by that point Ron had come crawling back, realising how ridiculous he had been. Then Harry had rescued him from the bottom of the Black Lake -Harry found it bloody ridiculous that with all the magic around, the wizards and witches didn't think of a single way for themselves to watch the second task (not that he cared, he was just disappointed at how ridiculous wizards and witches really were). Whilst coming in last because Harry was once again a good egg, he saved both Ron and Gabrielle (Fleur's sister) and that allowed him to be in second place. Finally, the third and end of any little speckle of good in Harry's life. This was the moment he well and truly lost any hint of youth he had in him. It was his fault. Really…it was. He convinced Cedric that they should take the cup together. What a fool he -Harry- was. Watching Cedric die haunted him for years, the older boy lying dead face up towards the sky as Harry was tied to a statue and forced to watch (and 'help') Voldemort be resurrected. They duelled. Harry watched as the spirits of the Muggle caretaker, Cedric and his parents came out of Voldemort's wand. His heart clenched painfully as he listened to his parents telling him what to do and as Cedric told him to return with his body. Arriving back to Hogwarts with the portkey and corpse, Harry was in tears. Another scar on his body, almost matching the one from the Basilisk. Another tale. But most of all…the end of his innocence and the start of the war once more.

The story of his life became a dark, dark world. Dementors again, almost being expelled from Hogwarts. Then the pink toad came. He was a liar. An insane, delusional liar. No one liked him save for a few. Even the Irish boy, Seamus Finnigan, he'd roomed with for four going five years didn't believe him. Umbridge was such a terrible teacher that Harry was certain every house were teaching themselves, plus there was the DA. Having his hand cut open night after night was nothing new, the words "I must not tell lies" forever engraved in his left hand. Of course, Delores finally got what she deserved, oh that sneaky Hermione tricking the wicked witch of the ministry into believing there really was a weapon in the Forbidden Forest before handing her off to the Centaurs, well at least it saved him from the Cruciatus Curse. Visions. Harry had had visions all year 'round, to the point where he believed he was the reason all those horrible violent acts were his doing, Mr Weasley almost died and whilst everyone was thankful that Harry had saved him, he knew deep down it was his own fault, he attacked Mr Weasley. Obviously, it really wasn't is doing. Utter heartbreak fell on him. He was tricked into receiving the prophecy from the Ministry -at least he knew why Voldemort was after him though- and it ended in pain and death. The Order of the Phoenix arrived to save the day and Bellatrix hit Sirius, her cousin, with a spell that sent him through the curtain. The Veil. The words _"nice one James"_ haunted Harry, his godfather loved him but was it just because he was a reminder of James? He had nightmares of his carefree, laughing godfather having a joke whilst defending Harry, only to die by his cousins spell. As he watched Sirius fall through the Veil, his heart audibly broke. Screams of pain tore through his body as the man drifted away. If Remus had not have grabbed hold of Harry…the boy would have followed his godfather. _"I killed Sirius Black! You coming to get me!"_ Her taunting laugh echoed through his body. He used an Unforgivable on the woman…or at least tried to. He wanted her to suffer. He wanted to kill Bellatrix Lestrange. Then she escaped as Voldemort appeared and Dumbledore swooped in to save the day. The possession as Voldemort took control of their link, he tortured Harry and the boy _wanted_ and _needed_ Dumbledore to kill them both. But the old man didn't. Harry succeeded in pushing -more like throwing- Voldemort from his mind. As his emerald eyes spied his friends, he could recall all the joyous and happy times he had with them. All the laughs and jokes. It was what allowed him to shove Voldemort from him. Then the Aurors arrived and he was no longer a liar. _"He's back"_ finally the Wizarding world had no choice but to believe him.

Sixth year. The Horcruxes, the truly disgusting part of magic. Harry was revolted to learn that Voldemort had split his soul, no wonder he was so deranged! It was a trying time, he and Dumbledore were off searching for Horcruxes, his two best friends were constantly bickering with one another because they were stupid and in love with one another but didn't know it. The Burrow had been destroyed in the Christmas holidays. Harry took off after Bellatrix in an attempt to get revenge for Sirius' death, the night still tortured him. Taunting him. Harry continued to be suspicious of Draco Malfoy, who let the Death Eaters into the castle. Snape murdered Dumbledore as Harry watched stuck and hidden under his cloak. Watching his mentor and grandfather-figure fall from the tower after being struck by the Killing Curse, just tore into Harry's heart. How many more would perish? With Dumbledore gone and the Death Eaters running the castle, Harry had no choice but to search for the rest of Voldemort's Horcruxes and destroy them. Hermione and Ron vowed to join him.

What would have been his seventh year at Hogwarts was spent on the run, searching and hiding. Harry said goodbye to his relatives, informing them it was no longer safe. Vernon didn't seem to care about anything other than the fact that the _freaks_ could get them. Dudley and surprisingly Petunia seemed…odd. Dudley apologised for everything he'd done and hoped that Harry would be alright. Petunia…Harry wasn't sure what to think. She seemed sad but still uptight as usual. Then after they're gone, the remaining members of the Order arrive. Seven Harry's appear as his friends take polyjuice potion to disguise themselves. He and Hagrid ride on Sirius' old motorbike, bringing back his past when Hagrid was the one to take Harry to his relatives on that very vehicle. Harry duels Voldemort whilst they fly to the Burrow, but Harry manages to overpower him. Hedwig perishes protecting Harry from an oncoming curse. Then Bill announces that Mad-Eye is dead. Harry's unsure as to how he feels about that, the old man always freaked him out, but he was a good man. George lost his ear. It was tragic and Harry was concerned that Fred would do something rash like chopping his own ear off so they'd continue to be identical…Guilt consumes Harry as he tries to leave but Ron convinces him to stay for the wedding.

When they finally leave, they get attacked in a coffee shop before hiding at 12 Grimmauld Place, they discover that R.A.B. is Sirius' little brother Regulus and finally reach a conclusion as to the location of the locket. Umbridge had it. But without a way to destroy it, they had to take turns wearing it. Behaviours and attitudes changed to a degree that Ron left them, only to return and save Harry when the locket almost helped drown him. They broke into Gringotts and Harry swears that Hermione's insane as they leapt onto the back of an abused dragon to escape with the cup Horcrux. Captured and taken to Malfoy Manor, Harry notices that the Malfoy's look terrible. He knows deep down they just want freedom. That Lucius was a foolish boy when he joined Voldemort and condemned his future family to the man. Dobby saves them and gets killed in the process, this time it wasn't Harry who almost died from the elf's help, it was Dobby and he actually died. The free elf died to save him and his friends.

Breaking into Hogwarts was a bit complicated but was easy after almost being spotted. Everything was so dead and horrible in the castle. He confronted Snape and then the Battle of Hogwarts started. They searched for the Diadem and managed to destroy all but two Horcruxes. After Snape's death, Harry learned that he was always going to die. He had to. So with that knowledge, he walked into the forest prepared to die for everyone. And die he did. But only for a moment. When Narcissa Malfoy lied to Voldemort's face, he knew if they came out of this, he'd help the Malfoy's. As cruel and horrible as they had been, Harry was too good and wanted to help. With Nagini beheaded by Neville, Voldemort was killable. They duelled a final time and the Elder Wand that Voldemort believed was his, flew from his hand to Harry during his signature Expelliarmus and the Elder Wand backfired on Voldemort, sending the snake-faced creature his own Killing Curse.

 **—** **LINE BREAK—**

The war was over. They were free. The Golden Trio were officially adults, yet Harry had always been an adult. He had no childhood, no youth. His age was nothing of importance because clearly, he didn't act his age, he was mature, he was wise and mentally old. He was young, but his mind was old and his scars told tales only older men should hold. Harry didn't know what to do anymore. This was his life. The thing everyone had forced on him. Why was he alive? Why did he out of every other casualty, survive? He didn't expect to, but he did.

Fred. Remus. Nymphadora. Severus. Albus. Sirius. Lily. James. So many others. They all died. They should not have had to! It wasn't fair. They were better people than him. He had nothing to live for, they had people and friends and family -even Severus, the Malfoy's loved him.

 **—** **LINE BREAK—**

 _"_ _I killed Sirius Black, you coming to get me!"_ Bellatrix's words echoed in Harry's head for years, taunting, teasing and breaking him. _  
"You're a fool, Harry Potter. And you will lose everything."_ He was right. Voldemort, that is. Harry was a fool, at least Harry believed he was. He was right about both parts, Harry lost an awful lot. But he was wrong about Harry losing everything. He was still loved and supported by the survivors and his friends. _  
"People don't like to be locked up!"_ Harry could recall screaming that at Dumbledore when Sirius died. He knew what it felt like. He knew how horrible it was. No one should go through it. Yet Harry's entire non-existent childhood was mostly the boy being locked in the cupboard under the stairs or Dudley's second room.

 _"_ _Dobby is free."_ The House Elf. The free House Elf called Dobby. He was a funny little thing and Harry considered the elf to be a great friend…but then Dobby died, to save him. Much like everyone else he befriended.

 _"_ _Severus please,"_ Harry remembered hearing those two words before Dumbledore was killed. He thought the old wizard was begging to be saved, to not be killed. He was wrong, Albus _was begging_ Severus, but for the Potion's Master _to_ kill him. _  
"They don't know that they've got a daughter."_ Everyone has had to make sacrifices. Hermione's was a very significant one. She made her family forget her existence, a feat that made her the bravest person Harry knew. Luckily, she found them halfway across Australia after the war. _  
"Nice one James."_ Sirius' last words to Harry before his death. Though, in a way, they weren't for Harry's ears. No, they were for James Potter. The man that everyone saw in Harry. The father Harry never knew. It broke his heart that in the little time Harry and Sirius were together, the man was always looking for James. Sure he adored Harry, but the man was so far gone in his mind from his torture in Azkaban.

 **—** **LINE BREAK—**

A baby slept against his chest as the two lay on the sofa. A book to his right and long forgotten as emerald eyes stared at the ceiling, seeing more than what was there.

"I promise you now Teddy," Harry looked down at his godson, who lived with him as Andromeda felt it would be easier, she of course still visited all the time, "you will be loved. You will be looked after. You will have the childhood I didn't. All that you want will be there, but you will not be like Dudley was, you'll be respectful and happy. Spoilt but not over the top." He smiled as a tear dripped down his cheek and sunk into the Metamorphmagus' favoured messy raven black hair, "I love you kiddo." Shortly after, the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice-And-Very-Much-So-Hated-The-Name slipped into a peaceful sleep for the first time in months.

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 _"_ _Close my eyes and then cross my arms  
Put me in the dirt, let me be with the stars."_

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 **Author's Notes: So this is just a random one-shot that I wrote within two days when I should've been paying attention to my revision courses...oops?**

 **To anyone and everyone that read 'Damien Riddle' I want to inform you that the Neko!Harry story I was planning on doing might not happen, I am really sorry and will try to write a multi-chaptered story for you guys for after my exams -so June time. I feel I should tell you that the Neko!Harry story might not happen simply because as much as I wanted to write it, I set the bar too high and it's too complex for me to understand what I want to write -if that makes sense. Again, I'm sorry, please don't hate me!  
**

 **Also, this is a different type of fic than what I normally do, so if you like it, I might do something like this again.**

 **Anyway,**

 **Thank you for reading,  
Hope you enjoyed,  
Please review,  
No hate,**

 **Bye~**


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